In February 2008, civil war buff Sam White became a victim of the civil war, when a 75 pound naval cannonball detonated. In an action reminiscent of Darwin Award recipients, White was said to be using a power grinder on the rust of the csnnonball, creating sparks which likely detonated the contents of the cannonball.

Bystanders complained that the realism of the event was marred by the response of modern day fire engines, paramedics, police, and other modern day emergency equipment.

"I would have prefered if we could have had an authentic coroner's black wagon and horses to haul away what remained of Sam," said one of the unidentified civil war buffs who gathered at the scene.

Adult Protective Services is said to be investigating to determine if any relatives of the senior citizen may have been involved in paying for life insurance for the civil war buff, or later giving him access to cannonballs after taking out a life insurance policy.

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama were strangely silent on the the threat of unexploded civil war ordinance to the elderly who lack access to art therapy and other quality end of life day care programs. Hillary's spokesman expected Hillary to launch a comprehensive program to register civil war ordinance, waiting periods, and outreach to senior citizens with nothing better to do than live in the past tinkering with rusty relics of past wars.

The Democratic presidential candidate hopefuls were also silent about the threats to children who lack access to quality information about cannonballs because teachers don't have time to teach about the civil war and how it was fought because white people wanted to continue enslaving black people, because of the evils of George Bush's "No Child Left Behind" program which doesn't include sufficient money for building black esteem by denigrating the generations ago actions of whites. The Reverend Wright was said to be preparing a sermon on Obama's behalf letting the world know that "God Damn's Civil War Buffs" who glorify the white man's oppression of black people, but Obama Hussein Barack's spokesman had no comment.

News organizations attempted to visit Cindy Sheehan's election San Francisco Mission Street headquarters, located temporarily in the 9th & Mission location of the Barabary Coast strip clip, which gave scores of local women an opportunity to earn money in a relaxed atmosphere without the usual restrictions associated with the Crazy Horse and other San Francisco gentlemans clubs.

Reporters tried to get Cindy's comment on the the threats associated with future Iraqi War buffs and their collections of IEDs (Improvised Explosive Devices, otherwise known as roadside bombs), but no one was available to comment.

John McCain, widely acknowledged as the only presidential candidate likely to remember the civil war, affirmed his commitment to the 2nd Ammendment right of citizens to arm themselves with cannonballs, while opposing a ban on assault relics.

Darwin awards officials said the relic collector would not qualify for the award since he was likely past the age of having children, and was therefore not likely to have contributed to the gene pool even without the mishap.

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• Civil war naval cannonball finally claims a victim