Thinking contantly about a topic can be mistaken for obsession. However it might not go as far as obsession, it might be another psychological condition called rumination, or constantly thinking over a topic. A common topic involved in rumination or obsession is a love interest. Obsession with a love interest usually involves elements such as:

• thinking the other person can't possibly be happy without you
• thinking you will never be happy without the other person
• thoughts of hurting yourself or the other person

Rumination on the other hand is a psychological term for what the rest of us call worry. Rumination involves thinking repeatedly about a topic, trying to come to some conclusion about it. It also can be carried to extremes. But it differs in that it is more an attempt to try to figure out what is going on, when what is going on seems to make no sense. For example, "How can she do XYZ if she really feels ABC?" Possible answers are she doesn't know XYZ is a reasonable response to ABC, she doesn't really feel ABC, she has other reasons that prevent her from doing XYZ, or anything else. Because her response depends on what is going on in her mind, and what she says may not be an accurate reflection of what she is thinking, actions that seem different that what you think should flow from what is said can cause you to "mull things over". The bottom line is there may be no way to really figure it out, you may need to wait it out and see if time fixes the problem, or if the situation develops in a direction that makes the answers more clear.

A cause of mental discomfort can be cognitive dissonance, or ambivalence. Ambivalence is where you hold two competing feelings about something at the same time. You are often getting really mad at someone you also really love. Cognitive dissonance can be where your heart (emotions) say one thing, but your mind (logic) says another.

However, what is logic or emotions can vary for different people. When I read the following post, I thought the girl had things backwards. Leaving seems like a logical response "logic - I am uncomfortable, I need to get to a more comfortable place by leaving", vs. staying which seems like the "heart - I love him" response. But then again, willpower is required to maintain a relationship at the times when the love power is at a low point.

Question I've been with my boyfriend for about two and a half years. We live together in our own apartment. For the last few months I've been on edge. I often feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him. He's had a stoic way about him, but it would also seem that there is something underneath it. So, I've been a grump and have been told that I'm being a grump. Long story short, he's been acting not himself which in turn makes me edgy which in turn makes him edgy. All kinds of emotional trade offs going on. So, I call him last night and almost immediately he confides in me that for the last four months he's been looking at porn (he said he had been doing it for longer, but it only just started to bother him). He said he's been torn up about it. He hasn't been sleeping well, yadda yadda. This isn't the first time this has happened. I'd say it's been about the third or fourth time so far. This sort of thing used to really upset me, but I've grown to be more or less ok with pornography. My issue is that after him telling me all of this I was deeply upset. The puzzle pieces began to fall into place in my mind. All this time, the blame had been put onto me for being a "grump". He'd avoid me and tell me it was because of me and my attitude. I feel like he's been playing mind games with me! Like I've been blamed unfairly for his own insecurities. We've broken up a couple times in the past. Both times it was me that initiated it because of his overwhelming insecurities. I'm just tired. My mind is spinning. If I listen to my emotions they tell me to go and stay gone. If I listen to my logic it tells me to ride it out and try and fix things. As I said, I'm just so tired. I want to stop this madness, but every time we've broken up we've just gotten back together. Argh! This is my dilemma. I hope I didn't ramble. source

According to the article how rumination ruins your life, rumination is harmful if it turns dark and brooding, but the tendency to "work things out" in ones mind is a part of the human experience with 95% of readers saying they experience it.

According to the article, there are two parts to rumination:

• Reflection - thinking about the process, can lead to a solution, can help you process emotions
• Brooding - less proactive, more nagative in mood

Then there is co-rumination, or boring your friends to death by talking constantly about the situation.

Rumination can be oddly irresistible, and can steal an hour of your attention before you even realize that you're obsessing again.

Some of the negative side effects include:

• Stress - studies have shown rumination can raise your cortisol levels. Cortisol shows a physical response to stress.
• Negative frame of mind - hard to be optimistic when you are in a negative state of mind
• Less proactive behavior - while rumination may start as a way to find a solution, it can actually lead to being disengaged from the problem, and a more negatie state of mind. It can be the first step in a downward spiral of negativity.
• Self sabotage - can cause negative coping behaviours, or crossing boundaries
• hypertension - this is a serious health risk, so it is important to find ways to deal with the stress

Cures for rumination

stress-relief resources:

• books: The Power of Now, A New Earth, and Wherever You Go, There You Are
  • These books relieve stress because they focus on how to drastically cut down on rumination which leads to a stressed state of mind.

Letting go of stress and anger

Using positive affirmations as a stress relief tool

• Positive affirmations are a great tool to reprogram your unconscious mind from negative thinking to positive. The idea is to take positive statements of what you would like to see manifested, and repeat them enough so that they're part of your way of thinking and seeing the world; this operates in the same way that negative self-talk does, but in a way that benefits you.

Google searches about rumination

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• Optimism and Pessimism
  • optimistic vs. pessimistic