Forget the Clintons and their lapdog Swami Global-Warming-Us Gore. Everyone prefers a warm beach to an ice age, and we all know that our SUVs are helping to prevent the next ice age. And if we don't get busy and use up the oil first in our California Air Resources Board approved smogged engines, China will burn it in their unmogged engines and export the fumes back to us across the Pacific.

What I'm worried about is that statistics show the earth's magnetic field has decreased 10% in the last century, and scientists saying it might be entirely gone within 2000 years.

Why is there a conspiracy of silence among politicians about this impending magntic doom?

Will Obama find a way to tax us for this impending catastrophe of the collapse of the earths magnetic field? Will he and Michelle find a new reason to not be proud of America until somehow our nation is made to bear a collective burden of guilt over the collapse of the magnetic field of the earth? Will they invent the theory that because we have been more productive than the rest of the world, and enjoy a higher standard of living as a result, the Gaia of earth is reacting to the magnetic fields emitted by all our gadgets, especially all the miles of wire wound into cores within discarded electronics now filling our landfills? (Oh right, politicians are already taxing us for electronics, and then spending the money on things entirely unrelated to the polution those devices might someday cause. Must be the early stages of memory lost from lack of earths magnetic field.)

Will we be harassed into reducing our magnetic footprint? Magnetism Tax Credits for the poor? Will police departments be equipped with gausometers as a new way to profile us?

A National Magnetism Act? A new California Department of Magnetic Field Management? Fights between the states and the feds about who should have jurisdiction over the earth's magnetic field?

What is the recommended amount of daily earths magnetism we should be receiving? Could a lack of magnetism be the real cause of cancer? Is the American Medical Association keeping a lid on the health effects of this problem because no pharmacy has found a way to patent a pill to solve the effects of a deficiency of a magnetic field? Will doctors begin recommending annual MRI's as a way to reduce the effects? Or are they prohibited researching into whether the increase in diagnostic use of the MRIs one of the causes of the magnetic field collapse?

Commercials on late night TV by lawyers asking us to contact them if we think we've been harmed by the collapse in the magnetic field?

The Bigfoots coming out of the woods, not as gorilla costumes in Georgia freezers, but instead looking for a new source of magnetism to guide their migrations?

I'm afraid. Very afraid.