I never realized it before, but I have a friend who just confessed to Facebook that he has not paid for a haircut since the 1980's. Maybe he was married to a hair stylist, or perhaps he had that cool as-seen-on-TV vacuum cleaner assisted haircutting styling tool, or maybe he's just been growing dreadedlocks for the last 20 years since I've seen him, I really don't know. With this friend, just about anything is possible...
But I did a little research into this horrific social issue, and I discovered VoiceForTheUnHairCutted.org - Did you know that the average person has 5 million hairs? And as for their pets, a study on Yahoo Answers found that some people had bald cats and that only God could count the true number of hairs on others, however another reliable study on wikianswers calculated that cats have around 40 million hairs, and that dogs have exactly 2,000,078 hairs, although researchers at chacha put the number of hairs on dogs at 15485 hairs per square inch, but they have no idea how many square inches a dog is, so maybe I need to re-read the book Flatland to find out.
And I couldn't find any reliable study of whether my friend has pets with more hair than himself, but that was kind of beside the point, because then I got distracted by the possibility that he has an aquarium with organisms that have flagellum, which are hair like extensions that they use to propel themselves and I started wondering how many thousands or millions might be in his aquarium, and wondering how they groom themselves, and then discovered that creatures with hair extensions could even be dispersed in his subgingival dental plaque, and which according to other resources, bacterial extracellular appendages are common components of plaque. I started wondering about bacterial extracellular appendages in orange juice, and google has 17,600 results for me to read about that, and then while researching that issue, some website sent me a popup that I was the millionth visitor today and the winner of some underarm deodorant pads, and while I was trying to register for the prize, a click bomb from some other site suddenly rebooted my computer. After I got back online, I tried again to claim my prize, but I couldn't find the website, but I am getting all kinds of cool popups now, and then I remembered about what had raised my concerns in the first place, but my computer was busy rebooting again, so then I went over to my neighbor to borrow his computer, but he refused to risk his own computer on my web wanderings, or enable a condition he says I have that he calls add (he always says this and he always spells it out like this "aye dee dee", why can't he just say add like normal people, I'm going to have look into that, there is probably a name for his condition), so I got mad and told him all he does is subtract and divide what does he know about adding things, so then I had to go to the library to use their computers to return to reading the American Hair Association website.
I read stories of the 147 million Naftans who don't have access to proper hair cuts. I learned that 79% come from working families, and 28% are children, and 47% are cats and dogs. (Yeah, I know that math seems a little odd, but hey, I support their right to be entitled to their own set of facts, even their own system of math if necessary to support the facts.) My own back of the bill collectors envelope calculations say this means there could be quadrillion's, or maybe even quintillions, of hairs needing to be maintained. Those are certainly bigger numbers than I hear about for most issues, this must be really serious. I learned that if big corporations would do their part to provide hair cuts for their workers, dependents, and companion animals, and ensure access to such services even when workers get fed up and decide to just drop out of the work force for a while, we wouldn't be in the situation where a precarious job situation would lead to precarious access to salon services.
Two in five adults age 19 to 64 have trouble paying for Hollywood style grooming for themselves and their pets. We need to make sure people are not denied access to haircuts because of a prior bad hair day. We need to support direct subsidies to enable even those with high risk of frizzing, dandruff, split ends, and dry limp and fly away hair, can purchase affordable hair cuts.
In short, grooming America's unhaircutted should concern all presidential candidates, all members of Congress and every American.